Creating this blog was a difficult but empowering decision for me, made more difficult by not being in a position to dig into the writing before this. And then, having to decide if I was willing to put out a story so incomplete. Not meeting the deadline I’d created for myself makes me feel somewhat vulnerable, as thus far, the voice of the victim has been louder than the strong woman I am today. And maybe there’s a reason for that. I’ve been sailing against some powerful elements, but forging on. I had very specific reasons for doing this, not all of which are going to be realized, and I have to accept that. I can only hope that collectively, when all is said and done, something good can from it. There’s a clock, and it’s ticking. And that means many different things, to many different people connected to this. I feel a deep need to just honor those people today, the ones who have touched my life in so many positive ways. Too many to name, but who have shared in this madness with me through the years, and who have been affected in their own unique individual ways. That is where my thoughts are in this moment in time. This isn’t a day to think about those who have hurt me, failed me, or let me down regarding this part of my life, or even since I made the decision to speak out about it. For all those who’ve had my back, just know I love you madly.
There’s a story behind why I chose the name Solitary Bugle. I’m anxious to share that with you soon.
If I find there is nothing more to say on this day, outside of the intimate conversations taking place between myself and those I love most, let me say this….
Oscar Ray Bolin did not strip me of the things that he intended to. He may have hijacked them for a brief time in my history, and certainly there have been adversities to overcome and areas to repair, but ultimately, these are the things he could not take from me — my pride, my dignity, my fiery spirit, my sexuality, my love of being a woman, my faith in men, my determination, my ability to be fair and objective and not be slanted by my own personal experiences in life, my gift for seeing the beauty in all the things that matter, my compassionate, honest heart. And Lynyrd Skynyrd.